Such a question may be avoided by many, I don’t know really, you can see people walk tall and you may think they have the answers but do they go home and ask the mirror on the wall? From the outside looking in, it’s not a true reflection, on the gram everyone wanna be seen stuntin’. I said I lost my Identity I meant it so I wrote it and I’m really putting emphasis on this so it’s duly noted. Riding again, to keep my mind off that weak shit. I don’t just write sad tales I just write. It’s funny I don’t often know when I’ll right next and I’m not sure where this piece will go. I’m doing well though and I can feel again, when I write you it’s hard to read like I shake the pen, so who is it yours sincerely? If you ever write me who’s the Dear to be? I’m shit at goodbyes so I’m riding again but not wasting time wondering Who Am I.
I don’t want to wake up. I didn’t smile for a while, ignorance is bliss but it got past all denial. I never went swimming thinking I couldn’t get wet up and there was a hole in my chest so I found it hard to keep my head up. Anyone can get it and the shit I seen men do if I’d told you I be floating in some cement shoes. Thinking I’m Ludacris doing 90 on the highway. WTF was I doing? I got shit to lose and most of all it’d hurt you, someone is looking over me, surely. I went from living in a waiting room to sitting in a waiting room, where’s the jump? If I make it out maybe I’ll hear and it’ll become clear, or maybe I need to accept and move on and say Non, je ne regrette rien. I was Lost among layers. Illusions and reality became hard to distinguish when there was no light. I have more heart than brains so don’t question my heart yet still questions are asked. I felt my grip loosening, quick do something before I lose it for good! It’s Dark and Hell is Hot. Please! please don’t wake me up.
Tryna solve my problems so I ride plenty, how many fucks can I give before I run empty? I didn’t want to dwell, I see how I have little care for a bag with my name on it, but I cherish the same bag with my Dad’s name on it, I get it more now. Not caring makes things easier right? Only time I got caught slipping was Ice Skating, when I was just learning how to stand without a helping hand. Another winter to come after a sink or swim year I am told what I already know by my dad, “Every year is sink or swim boy!” I put my heart in it and I wear it on my chest like an Emblem. I don’t Tint postcards, pursuing happiness in success against illusions and reality, For What It’s Worth, I continue. 5% TINT
A year on and I was heading back to Italy for the Martini La Classica. We would be riding from just outside of Milan to Pessione, near Torino, It would take us two days. There’s something about Italy that still grips me each time I go, maybe it’s the pizza and pasta. This year my brother Liam was coming along and so was Ashley, who was also there last year. It’s so funny having these adventures with Liam. We clash a lot but it’s because he tries to be the ‘wiser’ older brother, when really he’s just as stupid as I am haha. I wasn’t going to be in Italy long, I was off to Belgium after, to wrap up my racing season with some some cooked units (GabTRON and Rob), it was to be a month long trip in total. I wanted to take a lot out of this trip, and having this trip stopped me thinking that it was the end and that I could come away with more. I needed more. I didn’t want to go out like a punk or a chump. Belgium was to be the last stand, time to go through the motions of being wired, real tired, till my lungs were done.
For the love of it. Continue reading “For The Love Of It”
The race days were stacking up and everything started to blend into one. We were halfway through the trip and it wasn’t going to slow down, 4 more races to go. There were two days without racing, on these days I would wake up and think, what do we even do when we are not racing? Why are we here? It was an intense trip with it being 12 days long, the longest amount of time I’ve ever had to be switched on for, It wasn’t just the racing, it was being around it all and not being able to just kick it with Bluebell or do a ride solo. The trip wasn’t just a test physically, but mentally too. One thing I did know was that I would take a lot of experience out of this trip and grow as a rider and person. Continue reading “August and the AUX part 2”
For my 22nd birthday on the 1st of August I had my first ever flying lesson. I just need 43 hours more flight time to get a license, although I’m not sure if anyone would feel safe enough to go with me, maybe Nancy?! In the meantime I was to race Leicester Kermesse, South East Divisional Champs, and then onto a big block of racing in Belgium. The year is far from over, with many trips ahead and more memories to be made, I’ll tell you about my latest playlist, August and the Aux.
Dear Summer, returning from Belgium at the start of June to a warm UK was a great feeling, a miracle almost. The tan lines were starting to show, and cleaning lots of dirt off my bike everyday seemed like a thing of the past. Sitting outside at cafés and not having to wash 3 layers of kit a day was making it easier for my mum to keep up too haha. I was to race my first National Championships, pray for football to come home with the World Cup and watch the Tour de France on TV, which would make resting up a lot more entertaining, oh and Love Island lol. Turning 22 makes me see how time can go past so quickly and it’s about making every moment count. Whether it’s with training, spending time with people who keep morale high, going for ‘medium spice’ at Nando’s instead of mild, or trying to forget that I’ve turned 22. Life’s short, stunt it. Continue reading “Dear Summer”
At the end of March I was preparing for a trip to Italy with Team Wiggins, where we would be racing Giro del Belvedere and G.P. Palio del Recioto. I was apprehensive about my level, having been ill and during the week before the trip I was put on a course of antibiotics for a chest infection. I still felt as though I could take away a lot of positives from the trip and remained in good spirits. After the racing I was to stay on Lago Iseo for 10 days with my friend Clive to enjoy the amazing roads of Lombardia yet again, I can’t get enough of that place. Having been home for 3 weeks since the team training camp it was time to say goodbye to Bluebell and head off on another European Excursion. Continue reading “European Excursions and Hiatus at Home.”
I made my return from Nice at the end of January, I had 3 weeks until a training camp with Team Wiggins at the end of February which would take me to Calpe in Spain, an area I know well having stayed with my friend Tony Mills there previously. I was at home in Sussex in the meantime and putting in more work for the upcoming season. I was losing track of the days as if they all blended into one, just a constant cycle of training and cleaning my bike. Simplifying life and just focusing on cycling made me distant from a lot of people, I didn’t realise how time was getting away from me, and how it would affect me down the line, I’d come to realise it had started back in December. This is my Imaginary Isolation. Continue reading “Imaginary Isolation”
Heading into 2018 marks 5 years since I started cycling, a lot has changed from 2013 since I fell in love with riding my bike. Things have gone so fast I have not had much time to think about it, as I’m so in it, in this zone almost, you can feel as though you’re going nowhere at points, and that you have all the time in the world to think. I sometimes wonder where those 2 years in France went, but I remember at times I was just thinking when is it going to bloody end. I still wonder why Arsenal haven’t replaced Gilberto Silva, not sure if Wenger will ever replace him. Joining Team Wiggins this year will certainly continue this adventure I’m on, this is the fifth year of my bid.